Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wedding All Access Pass

The Women Behind the Bride and Groom

Move over Charlie’s Angels. Full throttle or not, you are no match for Beth, Susan and Carol. This trio always manages to “TCB” (Take Care o’ Bidness) without the help of guns or feathered hair (though perms have aided their ascent from time to time).

Contrary to urban myth, Matt did not arrive on earth in his now familiar state of physical and mental perfection after a cosmic journey from Krypton. And Mary Catherine’s adult form is not in fact a spontaneous mystical creation from the clay surrounding Themyscira (that would be Wonder Woman, but it’s an easy mistake to make). No, the bride and groom were molded to their current state of flawlessness by a cadre of hot moms.

Matt’s dual matrons span both coasts, with his step mom Carol running the family estate in Herndon, VA and his mom Susan ruling the Silicon Valley hacienda with an iron fist.


Carol hails from the metropolis of Paducah, Kentucky – home to Slim’s bbq sandwiches and her alma mater, the proud Loan Oak Purple Flash. Aside from the occasional “y’all”, Carol’s Kentucky accent has all but disappeared after years of working in the sleepy backwater community known as Washington DC. Carol works as an expert in information technology and puts her skills to use keeping America’s enemies at bay. Next time the threat level rises from pastel to neon, you can be sure Carol is on the job. When she needs a break from protecting the free world, she and her beau Bob suit up in black leather and hit some curvy Virginia back-country roads on their Harley.

Matt would not be the refined stud he is today without Carol’s help. She stayed up many nights making sure that when Matt went on a sleepwalking adventure, he didn’t end up in the Potomac. And Matt may have remained the lazy slob he so aspired to be had Carol not thrust him into his first two glamorous jobs (deck-carpentry-assistant and K-Mart associate). Despite her humble demeanor, her inner circle also knows that Carol is a master craftswoman in the meticulous art of scrapbooking. The creative whirlwinds turned out from her home studio inspired the wedding invitations you all saw. Who knew there were special scissors to cut out paper ocean waves??


Despite growing up near the shores of Lake Monona in Wisconsin, Matt’s mom Susan is a true northern California chick. She will be easy to spot at the wedding – just look for the lady hopping from one guest to the next in a valiant effort to turn Georgia from a red to blue state one person at a time. Susan has always been (and remains) far ahead of her time. She is the first to admit that she was dweebazoid before dweebazoid was cool. Despite serious concerns that she was not spending enough time cultivating a decent prom date, Susan was happy to be both uber-nerdy and athletic when she bolted Madison for a scholarship to Macalaster College - where she rocked the bagpipes.

As her colleagues at Cisco will tell you, there are few subjects that leave Susan incapable of dropping some serious knowledge. This comes in very handy, but beware, if knowledge needs to be dropped it will be – there is no stopping the flow. Her areas of expertise include: scientific evidence proving the importance of a good night’s sleep, the Myers-Briggs personality type indicators, and fru-fru left-wing California food/anti-oxidant/yoga type stuff. Susan can rightfully take credit for many of Matt’s finer points, given that she nudged him into almost every new thing he ever tried. She is guilty of some colossal swings-and-misses though. Most notably, when she pleaded in the 1980s for Matt to read books instead of comics, she did not foresee how cool a thirty-something with a massive comic collection would appear to the 2009 world.


Born and raised in the South, Mary Catherine's mom Beth is a true Southern Belle with the cred (you can't get much more belle than being a Kappa Delta at the University of Alabama) to prove it. Hailing from several small towns across the fine state of Alabama, Beth defines Southern hospitality. And maybe thanks to her finishing school stint in Boston, she also packs a CEO-worthy TCB quiver next to her arsenal of charisma. Lucky for the wedding party attendees, Beth has attempted to educate her daughter on the proper etiquette required for an afternoon spring wedding.

Beth brings her Southern charm to the classroom, where she inspires her 5th graders with the awesomeness of... math. Yes, only a true Southern belle could captivate a room of eleven year olds with talk of improper fractions and solving for x. It’s not at all surprising that Mary Catherine turned out so freakishly awesome, because Beth brings a passion to all the things she loves. If you find yourself in the greater Atlanta area on a fall Saturday and hear screams that pulse through your body, there is a 90% chance that Beth just reacted to an incredible spin-move by the Alabama tailback. And if you want to see what kind of perfection true skill, charm and passion can combine to create – beg Beth to make her chocolate cake!

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